LIKE BAYWATCH IN YIDDISH

Woke up this morning and pulled on my beanie,
(Because an exposed head is like a battered coliseum,
Glanced in the mirror, looking like a blue meany,
(After 9 maker's marks, what the fuck do you expect G?).

One stupid motherfucker forgetting to flush his toilet 
and war is breaking out in Iceland over toilet paper.

Two little psycho pants pointlessly bleaching their underwear,

Three Skidmore grads' downing skidmark flavored skittles,

Four bowling ball breasted tykes on tricycles 
copping an attitude in Copley Square like a militia,

Five Jungian shrinks translating your banana filled dreams into French,

Six caveats a day at that rate you should have a dented skull 
from how hard that bullshit codifies your head.

Fess it up cupcake, your daisies smell like fungaltap.
Fess it up girl, you're a mommy in a skullcap.
Fess it up librarian, you read your genitalia,
In the night by candlelight with brie and pfuffernuss.

Chaotic literary critic, 
your theory on the sociology of tampons impresses us 
but please say more about that that Turkish meatball up your ass.

When I'm all alone I wander down the beaches of my ancestors,
Reliving their diet of jellyfish and pickles.
Like Baywatch in yiddish.

{POETRY}